buncrana elysium - other-peoples-poo-updates

Yall can put your own poo updates in here

00:41

If you so desire

@King Buddyfriend it still says i cannot view the message history of poo updates

14:18

please rectify this issue immediately

Lemme see

14:21

@Notgungus your role has been upgraded

14:21

You no longer have degeneracy role

The fuck

14:30

You all should

14:32

Should be fixed now

14:35

@Notgungus how's that

it is no longer telling me that message

14:42

but currently

14:42

the poo updates channel appears empty

14:42

i demand poo updates dammit

14:57

It says you can view chat history

14:57

Sounds like it's just on you

well there is nothing there you dingus

It's

15:04

A

15:04

Fucking

15:04

You

15:04

Problem

i

15:08

demand

15:08

my

15:08

fucking

15:08

poo

15:09

updates

15:09

that is what i came to the server for

I fucking gave them to you

15:09

I legiterally sent you a screenshot of all you're missing

15:10

It's not my fault discord is being pissy

15:10

You should be able to see any future updates

15:10

But if you keep up this behaviour

15:10

Well

15:10

Actions will need to be taken

Dicklord.sucks

Oho!

15:30

What a clever wordplay!

Actions will need to be taken

at least my body isn't so jacked up that it fucking shits blood

16:30

pussy

I didn't shit blood per se

17:50

My shit was just so mega powerful that it ruptured my hole

that just

19:13

doesn't sound healthy

19:13

the way it consistently does that

Well

19:23

I wouldn't exactly say that it's consistent

19:24

Just happens exactly once a week

i just unloaded such a whopper

22:02

that half a roll of paper was required

That just means you didn't shit it out proprely

23:30

The amount of shit done is inversely proportional to the amount of paper used, as far as but not including 0 shit

i'm not sure i follow

i have just experienced a rather unpleasant defacation

01:24

requiring a number of wipes in the dozens

01:24

very messy and not a nice feeling experience

01:24

1/10

Oh dear

01:33

I pity you

01:33

My child

i would not wish such a defecation disaster upon my worst enemy!

We can only pray that your next poo is more pleasurable

indeed

01:51

i envy you and your 4 wipe wonders my friend

01:51

not all of us are as fortunate

High fibre diets, friend

what foods specifically?

Dunno

01:53

Bread

01:53

Pasta

01:53

Weetabix type shit

i eat weetabix most mornings i do

02:23

a most poggerific breakfast

02:23

what is not so poggerific is having class at 9 and having failed to be asleep at almost two thirty!

Ah well

02:49

I have class at 11

02:49

Kinda pog

my my!

01:18

what a splendiferous defecation!

01:19

my bowels were emptied in no more than five minutes!

1

01:19

and only a handful of wipes were required afterwards!

Quite a speedy poo!

yes indeed!

Splendid!

it was quick and easy, with minimal mess

I do quite prefer a lengthy defecation

i give this poo a 9/10

9?!?!?!?

Incredible!

i daresay, it was my finest poo in quite a long time!

01:20

and now i may soundly sleep knowing my body is that much lighter

I am happy for you

oh dear

00:07

it appears one of my poos has gotten stuck on the way out!

00:10

not to worry

00:10

the issue has been rectified

00:10

rectalfied, one might daresay (edited)

Oho!

00:12

That is wonderful to hear

this poo receives an overall score of 6/10

00:14

marks were docked for the inconvenience caused by having to dislodge the stuck piece

00:14

and more wipes were required than yesterday

00:14

however

00:14

the whole process was rather quick still, requiring only 2 flushes

00:14

and rather painless if you disregard the stuck piece

00:14

all in all twas a reasonably above average poo

i just unleashed a phantom of Beelzebub himself on the loo it was painful but yet satisfying as the succubus itself left my anal passage. it was the consistency of soft serve ice-cream but wouldn't stop flowing no matter how hard i tried,the flow still haunts me an hour later,i hath clogged the toilet but alas if it desires to drown it shall,i shan't be bested by my own faecal matter no matter what form it takes i give the experience a 7 out of 10 as it was quite rememberable but it failed to draw blood.

3

1

oh my

15:01

there be a storm brewin'

oh my! two in one day!

19:33

what a rare occurrence

got my Poop Pen should something go wrong

2

2

How did number 2 go

it was considerably messier than the first, requiring many times more wipes!

20:27

however, the poop pen was not required thankfully

Oh thank god

Pooped Jsut now

20:32

Soft

20:32

Will report on No. Of wipes

Can't wait!

7 wipes

20:35

Too many

Ah that's not too bad

Its pathetic

20:36

Frankly

20:36

Im deeply ashamed of myself

Well what would you be hoping for

1 or 2

Well that can be your goal for next time!

Maybe ill just wipe once

Why bother?

20:41

Why wipe at all!?

Hmmmm

oh dear

19:17

a toilet blocker has just occured folks

19:17

this is going to have disastrous consequences for today's Poop Score

Looks like my score ain't gonna be too hot either

oh dear

19:18

i am unable to tell if the source of the blockage is a Poo or Paper

Use the brush

19:18

Break that shit apart and force it down

I shall have to locate the brush

19:19

alas

19:19

my wiping is still not complete

An unfortunate scenario

quite

King Shitman recommends keeping a brush by all toilets at all times

this is the type of error i shall only make once!

19:21

the water level has risen rather high in the bowel

19:21

why, it nearly overflew!

19:21

but it appears to be lowering

19:21

mayhaps the water can break down the paper over time in the event i cannot locate a brush

19:22

this goes without saying but

19:22

today's Poo Rating is a 0

19:26

my what is this!

19:26

the toilet it's, it's unblocking itself!

19:26

or at least, it appears to be doing as such

19:26

the lowering of the water level in the bowl appears to be pushing away some of the blockage!

19:27

what sort of mad scientist toiletry technology is this!

19:28

one final flush might do it

19:28

here goes nothing!

19:28

allons-y!

Any luck!??

i cann'st flush yet

19:28

the water level hasn't lowered all the way

19:28

I do not want to risk overflow

Ah

oh my

I shall be waiting with bated breath for the thrilling conclusion to this saga

19:29

Oh!??

that "final flush" did not clear the blockage!

19:29

paper still remains in the bowl!

Egads! What a travesty!

and the bowl nearly overflowed upon that flush!

19:30

however the floor is currently as dry as the Sahara

Did you obtain a brush?

i have not, no

19:30

the shame of leaving this bathroom and admitting that i caused a blockage.....

19:30

i cannot do it!

You may never leave the bathroom if you don't get a brush

you're right....

And think of all the water you'd be wasting!

yes indeed! how much water have i wasted already?

Perhaps you could call for aid, instead of braving the walk with an unwiped bottom?

i cannot bear the thought

19:32

Perhaps you could call for aid, instead of braving the walk with an unwiped bottom?

@King Buddyfriend i forgot about the unwiped debacle

19:32

it's just problem after problem isn't it

19:33

a small slither of paper still peeks out from below the toilet's crevice

19:33

this last one

19:33

might well do it!

I pray it does

19:33

For your sake (edited)

19:33

And that of humanity

incredible! the paper remains lodged!

19:34

it holds on for dear life!

Get

19:34

The

19:34

Phucking

is there no force that can dislodge it??

Brush

19:34

BRUSH

19:34

GET THE BRUSH YOU COWARD

19:35

CAN YOU NOT SEE YOU ARE BRINGING A PLAGUE UPON YOUR HOMESTEAD!??

alright..... i did not want it to have to come down to this you know

19:35

but

19:35

i shall have to fetch for a brush

19:35

my family shall surely be shamed by all the townspeople for generations to come!

19:35

is there no winning scenario here!?

Not without a brush there isn't

19:35

Can you slay a beast without a weapon?

....you're right

Can a Smith forge a sword without his anvil?

19:36

Exactly

I shall return with news of my battle!

wat

@King Buddyfriend events have escalated

19:42

this blockage is so deep

19:42

that not even the almighty Brush can stand against it!

19:44

surgical procedures were attempted on the pipage outside my home

19:44

but to no avail

19:44

the toilet itself is now being plunged with a mop

19:48

@King Buddyfriend the toilet now flushed properly

19:48

but the blockage has moved elsewhere in the piping!

19:48

is there no end to my suffering!

Oh christ

19:59

What the fuck were you eating

@King Buddyfriend the extent of this poo update may require a voice channel

Christ

20:23

I think I'll pass

ladies, gentlemen, and all in between

19:59

i am feeling the call of nature again

19:59

but i am fearful

19:59

for we all know what happened the last time i dropped a dookie.....

Surely after yesterday's behemoth you couldn't possibly have enough left to cause another anomaly

the rumbling of my bowels says otherwise your highness!

Go for it

20:00

You have my blessing

thank you, Your Highness

20:00

i shall not fail you!

20:04

I feel this one in my stomach

20:04

this could be a whopper

Is it?

I am here now with my Post Poo Report

20:11

this one was rather hot and wet would you believe it!

20:11

not too hot mind you

20:11

just hot enough to feel nice on the way out

20:11

most of it went out in one swift rectal motion, however a tiny nugget clinged on for dear life

20:11

i soon sorted that though!

20:11

as for the wiping

20:12

the toilet did not block today, nor did the bowl fill up

20:12

however

20:12

this poo was the ever infamous

20:12

Double-Dozen Wiper!

20:12

you heard me right

20:12

almost 24 wipes were required for this one, including a couple of check wipes

20:13

the Poo receives a solid 8/10 for the actual experience, but i shall have to dock a couple of marks for the wiping process

20:13

giving this Poo an overall score of 6/10

That's an incredible amount of wipes

20:19

I ought to call you lumberjack

20:19

Or lumberjane, rather

pray tell, why is that?

Because you fuckin paperin

20:23

Choppin down trees

20:23

I believe you alone are the sole cause of deforestation

why, i cannot help that my ass requires such levels of maintenence!

20:25

although

20:25

investment in a bidet may be a good idea

20:25

what does King Shitman have to say on bidets?

Only WOMEN use bidets

20:28

So go ahead i guess

i guess only women have PROPER ANAL HYGIENE then

anything other than a good strong dry wipe is for pussies

wipes alone

20:38

are inefficient

20:39

water is the way to a truly clean posterior

Water is feeble

20:39

weak

it is certainly more powerful than a sheet of softass paper

not if you know how best to use the paper

20:46

if i were to use a pressure washer on my ass

20:47

only then would it be on par with my standard wiping manoeuvres (edited)

Yall wipe?

uhhh

21:16

on occasion

@King Buddyfriend is Poo Updates expanding into other fields?

I hope so

my

Such as barnyard

this is greater than anything i could have envisioned for the future of Poo Updates

I agree

23:40

I thought we'd have capped at 8 people

thought the joke would die in a week

Joke!??

23:41

Do you want to get banned

what ever do you mean

Shhh

just out of the shower

00:05

and now i need to defecate

00:05

pain

again!???

yeah man

00:05

what the FRICK

kinda pog tho

00:06

depending on your outlook

well in this server it's probably worthy of a guile pog!

2

00:10

she's a coming!

Epic!?!??!?? 4?5?4?76)4(2(5)!)!!)!)€€5)

er

00:16

this thing seems to have been delayed while leaving the station

00:16

it constantly feels like it's coming and yet (edited)

00:16

nothing

00:21

hoho, i think we're finally leaving the station!

00:22

we have arrived at our destination

00:22

my my

00:22

two in one day

00:22

a new personal best!

This phrasing killed me

00:26

And inspired me to take a shit

excellent!

00:27

regrettably however

00:27

this poo cannot receive a very high score

00:28

it took so long to arrive that my legs cramped up somewhat from all the sitting

00:28

and 10 wipes were required!

00:28

yes that's right

00:28

ten!

00:28

therefore this poo receives a lowly 5/10

1

did u wipe

yes @pegusui

19:16

with my bare fingers

a most disappointing poo tonight

00:59

a part has been lodged halfway out and will have to be wiped out

00:59

this will be very messy

Oh dear

01:00

The misfortune

indeed

01:05

i would not wish such a poo experience upon anyone

01:05

it has now cut into valuable sleeping time

I took a shit

nice

Bit of a prairie dog rn will post more

23:51

Rates a solid Type 4 on the old bristol

23:51

About 6-7inches of 1 inch action

23:51

By*

23:51

I can say it was quite hot

I daresay I love your style of poo updating

I took a poo today

04:22

Roughly 10 inch of poop in a circle with a diameter of 1.15 inches

I pooped today

01:24

It was nice

Woah!

14:54

Pog!

Just had a 10/10 guys

00:45

Can not think of a more perfect poop

00:48

2 wipes

woah

02:19

thats incredible

02:19

what kinda consistency we talkin here

late but

04:20

a little more moist than id like

04:20

but it came out in one go

04:20

felt 5 pounds lighter atferwards

my life

10:18

did just flash before mine own eyes!

10:18

i was cleaning up there after a Poo

10:18

and by accident, i knocked a roll of paper off the top of the toilet!

10:18

however

10:18

my lightning fast gamer reflexes came to the rescue

10:19

and i was able to catch the roll before it plunged into the bowl!

10:19

to any normal person looking on at the event, it would have been too fast to see anything!

10:19

mine own heart did race!

10:19

it was truly an adrenaline pumping experience

3

my second poop of the day is currently underway!

Quite a long poop

Nice

Notgungus pinned a message to this channel. 11/25/2020 9:06 PM

there's a rumble in the jungle.....

23:41

this is gonna be a whopper

23:42

if my body were a city earthquake alarms would be sounding right now !

23:43

disappointing. the pieces turned out smaller than how they felt

23:43

perhaps more are on the way

23:43

i shall wait, and see

23:43

do stay tuned folks!

most disappointing

23:54

the rumbling in my bowels suggested that a meteor sized poo was on the way!

23:54

and then i got naught but mere droplets!

23:54

this shall have a dramatic impact on the Poo Score

23:55

i suppose i shall be moving on to the wiping stage now

23:56

ho! what's this!

23:56

another Rumbling is occurring

23:56

there may be a second wave inbound!

23:57

the Poo Score can still perhaps be saved

00:00

just when i think this second wave is about to arrive, nothing happens!

00:00

this is the rectal equivalent to feeling the need to sneeze and never sneezing!

00:00

the suspense may well kill me

00:01

this may be the most dramatic Poo Update since the Pipe Blockage Incident of '20

00:04

some gas has escaped!

00:04

could this finally be Wave 2?

00:08

alas

00:08

nothing has happened

00:08

i shall allow 5 more minutes and if there is nothing then i shall declare wave 2 a false alarm and begin wiping

00:12

alas

00:12

twas a false alarm

00:12

now we move on to the Wipe

00:14

under normal circumstances, this would have been an S Tier Poo

00:14

the texture of the poo was wet, allowing it to slide out of the anus with ease

00:14

furthermore, only 8 wipes were required! a new personal best!

00:14

however

00:15

I cannot overlook the poo experience

00:15

hyping me up for an absolute galaxy ripping shit

00:15

and then giving me glorified M&Ms

00:15

this left me greatly disappointed

00:15

and as such this poo can only receive a meager 5/10

00:16

thank you all for tuning into my poo update

8 wipes is a fucking lot

01:00

How deep are you going what

King Buddyfriend

8 wipes is a fucking lot

it's significantly less wipes than average for me

01:10

wait how deep are you... meant to go

01:10

with da paper

Deep as you can

01:14

Til you can suck the paper back up with your ass muscles alone

that is precisely what i am doing! and it still takes me untold numbers of wipes!

Ya gotta wriggle it around a good bit in there

i wonder if my wiping technique is perhaps inefficient, or if it is a deeper biological problem

King Buddyfriend

Ya gotta wriggle it around a good bit in there

i see, i see

Do you find that it is always very soft and /or runny

a lot of the time they are rather messy yeah

01:33

not runny but

01:33

very squishy and wet

01:33

yeah

Ah that's more understandable then

I only learned that pooping is important when I had given birth to a child and got constipated even more than I was prior... the pain? Imagine you feel the need to poop, you sit on the toilet, no matter what you do, how long you stay there, how bad you struggle, nothing comes out. A continuous discomfort that nothing can relieve. Only gas and mucus come out... Moral: eat your fibres, drink your liquids and don't be afraid of drinking oil, and other bowel softeners or laxatives depending on your needs. Mine is bowel softeners cause laxatives just tell your body you need to go and if you don't need to go, it is not a good experience. Bowel softeners just soften things up and helps things go faster

10:25

2nd pregnancy was constipated bad twice. Not as bad as that first one though

King Buddyfriend pinned a message to this channel. 12/03/2020 2:32 PM

Thank you

14:33

This is actually important and useful

https://twitter.com/markiplier/status/1334558642507399171?s=20 @King Buddyfriend internet e-celeb Markiplier is a Follower of the Poo!

Mark (@markiplier)

I pooped.

Retweets

2516

Likes

49966

This is a 'guile pog' moment

YOOOOOO

19:16

Epic.

Not as epic as you Ryan <3

Marceline

Not as epic as you Ryan <3

am i epic too

Maybe

19:23

We'll see (edited)

damn

19:28

you're harsh

19:28

i thought all trans women were epic

They are

19:29

But you haven't fully transitioned yet

wooooow so you're not trans unless you transition

19:29

wooooooooooow

19:29

not cool mad

19:29

that's very unwoke of you

Most trans people who haven't transitioned are epic But not all of them

why am i not epic then

You called LGBTQ stinky

19:30

That made me sad

19:30

That's why

stinky things are epic though

No

19:31

Testosterone makes you stinky

19:31

And testosterone is nit epic

19:31

(Unless you are a trans man)

My T count through the damn roof

19:31

Need 4 balls to contain this T

2

all hormones produce sweat therefore making you stinky, this means estrogen is also stinky but it is very epic

19:32

liberals: owned

Gunks

Need 4 balls to contain this T

i will give you mine, i don't plan to keep them anyway

Testosterone makes you more stinky than estrogen tho

how so

Ill be the 1st 6 bollocked man

Men sweat more than wo mans

6? do you mean to imply you already have 4?

I'll also give you my balls fog

19:33

You can have 8 then

wait how does he already have more than 2

19:33

did someone else give him their pair prior to this

Black market

ah

I grew em

19:33

To contain high T

woah

19:33

how

Keep up

so now you will have 8 balls

19:33

doubling your testosterone

19:33

making you even manlier

Can I transfer all my masculinity to you fog?

Idk i might collapse into a masculinity singularity with both of yours plus mine

If you're a real man you can handle it (edited)

Gunks

Idk i might collapse into a masculinity singularity with both of yours plus mine

damn i don't like the idea of having enough masculinity to make someone else collapse

19:36

As in

19:36

Mine is already close

19:36

Any.more

19:36

No matter how miniscule

19:36

I would.die

Ever noticed how pensive face looks like a woman's chest?

Were r da.boov

Eyebrows shoulders

19:37

Eyes biddies

Sorta see it

19:37

My least fav one

19:37

Someone told me this

19:37

Was a dood suckin green willy

Marceline

Ever noticed how pensive face looks like a woman's chest?

no horny allowed in the server

Shrek willy even

19:38

Hate it

19:38

So very much

That's nit horny luci

now i cannot unsee it

19:38

you all need to go to horny jail

Yep

smh

It's just woman chest

U too are cursed with knowledge

It's what I want

don't we all want woman chest......

Fog doesnt

19:38

Trans men dont

I do

19:39

Not on myslef

19:39

But like yknow what i mean

I dont

Marceline

Trans men dont

they might want one in the same way gungus wants one

Ace trans men

19:39

There

19:39

Fixed

19:40

You cant argue with that luci

https://twitter.com/CoffeeProsecute/status/1333828517117759489?s=20

🎄💫 Godot 💫🎄 (@CoffeeProsecute)

#startcisshaming woah nice gender loser did your parents pick it out for you?

1

woman chest❤️

Wait a sex

19:40

Sec

19:40

This is poo updates

Gunks

https://twitter.com/CoffeeProsecute/status/1333828517117759489?s=20

This is gold

Another Friend (dumb/woman)

woman chest❤️

what's a woman chest? i'm a visual learner

19:41

yoooo italy moment

Notgungus

what's a woman chest? i'm a visual learner

19:43

There

19:43

You have now learnt

no that is a pensive face

19:43

dummy

Look closer

it is still pensive face

Even closeer

hrrrrrrrrrrrrng

19:49

i concentrated so hard on looking that i pooped my pants

19:49

good thing this is poo updates

Weirdest shit of my life

08:17

Had some internal pressure on the ol anus as per usual

08:17

Suddenly

08:17

It opened like the gates of hell

08:17

And it all came out at once

08:18

Dioreahha consistency

08:18

Hated ir

sorry to hear that

Alright let's go

03:19

Oh its coming out

03:19

Its out

03:19

Theres another one I think

03:19

That was like three more turds

03:20

First flush the poop

03:20

Time to wipe

03:20

Its liquidity

03:21

Still wiping

03:21

Lot of shit today

03:22

Haven't really been taking big poops recently

03:22

Only small ones

03:22

My ass hole hurts

03:23

No blood from wiping to hard

03:24

And we are done

Woooo

03:24

Good shit

6/10 could have been better

Pogg poo

https://twitter.com/imsaltYT/status/1335381597168734208?s=19

im sugar 💋 (@imsaltYT)

terry crews... what. the. fuck. https://t.co/4EI5VfYBww

00:42

Copying the trend.smh

I'm pooping and my ass is bleeding from wiping to hard

Oh no

15:51

Is everything ok

Yeah

15:55

Just wiped to hard

Ah

16:09

That is good news

ho!

00:41

there is a rumble in the jungle!

00:41

all hands on deck!

00:44

this feels like it's gonna be enormous

00:44

wish me luck everyone!

00:49

alas, nothing yet

00:49

why do mine bowels always cry for sweet release and then lie in hibernation upon my sitting upon the white throne!?

00:51

we may finally be having movement!

00:54

nothing still!

00:54

there is clearly fecal matter there

00:54

I can feel it

00:54

so why won't it come out!?

00:59

finally! a release!

00:59

albeit the ratio of effort put into the Poo to the satisfaction is incredibly skewed

00:59

against the favour of the satisfaction!

00:59

a similar issue to that of @King Buddyfriend earlier

00:59

mayhaps it is contagious

01:03

suppose I had best be wiping now

01:03

but it is no matter

01:03

this poo is already getting a low score for the incredible dissatisfaction

01:09

8 wipes

01:09

but it matters not

01:10

for such a disappointing result

01:10

relative to the work required to produce the poo

01:10

this poo receives a 2/10

Oh dear

02:38

How awful

02:38

What a disappointing result

yes, quite

#other-peoples-poo-updates

My ass is bleeding again

Epic!

i feel another storm approaching

21:56

is what i would say

21:56

but given that my last two poos were disappointments

21:56

I cannot be so sure

21:56

I shan't jinx it

22:00

my phone battery weakens

22:00

its power fades

22:00

and once again

22:00

my bowels fall silent the moment mine own rear end lays to rest upon the porcelain throne

22:00

why, i say

22:00

why me!

22:00

i am curséd!

22:01

mine rectal muscles have all the strength of a widow on the anniversary of her lover's death

22:01

just as my communication device's power fades

22:01

the very one i am bringing you this poo update with

22:01

(although to call it a poo update implies there is poo to be had!)

22:01

so too

22:02

fades the capability of my once mighty bowels

22:02

i have brought shame with my pitiful production of poo this past while

22:02

shame.... upon this server

22:02

shame.... upon my friends

22:02

shame upon my family

22:02

and...

22:02

shame

22:02

upon myself

22:03

i fear that i have no right to stay in this kingdom another night!

22:03

surely they will have me exiled for my pitiful rectal performance!

22:03

or maybe worse.....

22:05

no! I shan't give up!

22:06

I mustn't!

22:06

I shall push with all my strength! with every fibre of my being and diet!

22:06

I will push until my blood vessels burst open! and then continue to push!

22:06

I shall produce an almighty poo!

22:06

a whopper! a stinker!

22:06

my poo shall be the poo

22:06

which pierces the heavens!

22:07

it's time to go beyond!

22:07

POO FOR ONE: FULL CLENCHING

22:07

ONE THOUSAND PERCENT

22:07

HHHHHNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGHHHHH

22:08

not enough! more! more!

22:08

GRRRRRRRRRRRGGHHHGHHHHHHHHHHHH

22:08

still not enough! but i mustn't give up!

22:09

I'd rather die upon the toilet than live with the shame of being a subpar pooer!

22:09

the glory of Vallhalla awaits me!

22:09

HHHHHHHHHGNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

22:09

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

22:10

HEAVE! HO!

22:10

HEAVE! HO!

22:11

I AM ALMOST THERE! THE BREACHING POINT!

22:11

BY THE GODS, I FEEL IT!

22:11

I FEEL IT!

22:11

JUST A LITTLE BIT MORE!

22:16

alas, there is still nothing

22:17

my phone edges ever closer to the Grim Reaper's cold embrace

22:17

I....

22:17

I'm a failure

22:17

I have no right whatsoever to be a Follower of the Poo!

22:17

I am useless, I say!

22:17

useless!

22:17

I have failed you all.... I am sorry.

Disappointing. Don't let this happen again.

King Buddyfriend

Disappointing. Don't let this happen again.

yeah and what's it to you guvna

13:32

puttin this in poo updates

13:32

cuz it's some real shit

great Scott!

13:40

I

13:40

I just dropped an absolute whopper of a turd!

13:40

this turd was big enough that it made up for my last 2 days of rectal drought!

13:41

why, I have never felt so good unleashing a poo!

13:41

I... I feel several kilograms lighter!

13:41

and I didn't even have to push too hard! it came out practically all on its own!

13:41

im glad I get to say this once again:

13:41

time to wipe

13:47

I

13:47

I cannot believe it!

13:47

Five wipes!

13:48

only five wipes were required!

Shit Haha

allow me to break down the Poo itself some more

13:48

it started

13:48

with some gusts of wind!

13:48

and then, like an almighty flood, out rushed the poo! 2 days worth of it!

Notgungus

allow me to break down the Poo itself some more

Break down Like the food you ate before it became your shit

the feeling.... was immense

13:49

it felt amazing! wonderful!

13:49

liberating!

13:49

and I only needed to wipe 5 times

13:49

for this special occasion I need to summon @King Buddyfriend himself

13:49

for this Poo

13:49

receives a score

13:49

of 10/10.

That's a pretty low scorr

it literally could not have been a better poo

13:50

it was perfect in every way.

I'm sorry but

14:41

In no way

14:41

Does a 5 wipe poo

14:41

Warrant a score of 10

14:42

If I catch you abusing the ranking system again to make your shits seem better then you'll have to be banned @Notgungus

King Buddyfriend

Warrant a score of 10

what the fuck do you mean

14:46

i usually need like

14:46

15 wipes

14:46

just because you have a privileged self cleaning posterior

14:46

hmph

Listen

14:51

It's my scale

14:52

If you're gonna use it

14:52

Use it right

it is unhealthy to compare yourself to others in such a manner!

14:52

this is a 10/10 poo relative to all other poos which i have produced

Right OK, that's understandable, but

14:53

Ysee

14:53

I kinda don't give a fuck

14:54

And this, ól buddy ól pal ól homie ól friend

14:54

Is my server

14:54

And it's about time you started acting like you know who's in charge around here

well listen pal

14:58

am i not allowed to celebrate only needing 10 wipes less than normal?

14:58

is that not a cause to party?

14:58

i shall not hold myself to your toxic and unattainable standards any longer!

14:58

the poo was a 10/10.... but you as a friend?

14:58

you're a 4/10 at best.

1

turd brownie turd brownie

21:09

turd brownie

Wait I just had a brownie....

woah

poo soon

did it resemble a turd?

Discord.gg/obama

No it was delicious

will we hear a poo update later?

Never from me

23:06

Its too traumatic

23:06

The brownie wasnt gluten free

boss makes a dollar, i make a dime....

17:40

This girl gets it

hehe, thanks bawss

https://twitter.com/bambooney/status/1338151689765986305?s=19

president stupid j moron (@bambooney)

proud boys more like poop boys got em

Likes

861

1

is the ultimate goal of us here on earth... simply to create poo?

02:25

or is there a deeper layer to it all

02:25

one we have not seen yet?

Consuming the same said poo, I believe, is our higher purpose (edited)

b-but... most of us are not able to eat poo!

that's crazy!

https://www.instagram.com/reel/CImEJcTBJ0E/?igshid=1rx21zu0o9caw

10:21

truly a heart warming tale

poo

18:21

faeces, even

18:21

defecatory substances, if you feel so inclined

Would you, perhaps, say

18:29

Dung?

Me personally, I would say shit

Fodungus

Gungus have you been racially profiled yet

Another day another peaceful walk with no racism

18:31

Should be happy but man

It just ain't it

Fr :c

Stinky Arab :)

It's not the same bro

18:42

Its just not the same

Marceline

Me personally, I would say shit

a high risk yet high reward choice

18:44

a ballsy play from madaline!

That's my name :)

no your name is shataline

18:48

can't you read

18:48

dummy

:(

18:49

I was just happy that someone said my name

18:49

Why did you have to burst my bubble

i'm sorry mad come here

18:49

you are my little pogchamp after all

18:50

>:(

what

18:53

why are you angry

18:53

i said you can be my little pogchamp

You are 19

18:53

I'm 14

it's platonic don't worry

Also covid you cant hug

damn

18:54

then uhhh

18:54

that's pretty weirdchamp

18:54

tbh

You're pretty wierdchamp for trying to hug me during a pandemic

no i was telling you to come here so that i could administer a covid vaccine

19 iddy biddies then a fat ass mf to end the strain

ho! one for each year that i have been alive!

20:08

perhaps it carries some kind of poetic meaning?

20:08

it really makes the reader think

20:08

suggests that they ponder on their own life, with all its trials, tribulations, and triumphs

20:08

it forces us to face the ultimate question: what is the meaning of our own lives?

20:09

a difficult question for the answer is indeed unique to each individual

20:09

McGrath has once again written another fantastic, enriching, and thought provoking Poo Update which hooks the reader from beginning to end

20:10

it takes us on a ride through the rollercoaster of life

20:10

and makes us reflect inward

20:10

overall, this was a splendid Poo Update

It ain't over yet!

20:10

HRRRNNNGGG

my god!

Nah nvm it is

oh

20:11

wait! milord!

20:11

there is no writing on the wiping!

I know yea

20:11

I just got off the bowl got dam

apologies

20:11

your poo update was so enthralling that i began the review before it was even complete!

20:12

kind of like how many games come out unfinished these days amirite gamers

where is the rest of the poo update!! the suspense is killing me!

after many long hours of waiting

20:50

McGrath's Poo Update comes to its thrilling end

20:50

a meager 4 wipes again! we've come to expect such low wipe counts by now

20:50

but even then

20:50

there is a relief that comes from hearing that the wiping experience was a pleasant one

20:51

overall this was a brilliant Poo Update

20:51

the narrative is logical yet dramatic

20:51

the writing is coherent yet accessible

20:51

and it makes the reader ask bigger questions that we'd otherwise never ponder

20:52

overall this poo update receives a score of 8.1415926535897932384626433832795028841971693993751058209749445923078164062862089962803482534211706798214808651 3282306647093844609550582231725359408128 4811174502 8410270193 852110555964462294895493038196442881097566593344612847564823 3786783165271201909145648566923460348610454326648213393607260249141273724587006606315588174881520920962829254091715364367892590360 0113305305488204665213841469519415116094330572703657595919530921861173819326117931051185480744623799627495673518857527248912279381 8301194912983367336244065664308602139494639522473719070217986094370277053921717629317675238467481846766940513200056812714526356082 7785771342757789609173637178721468440901224953430146549585371050792279689258923542019956112129021960864034418159813629774771309960 5187072113499999983729780499510597317328160963185950244594553469083026425223082533446850352619311881710100031378387528865875332083 81420617177669147303598253490428755468731159562863882353787593751957781857780532171226806613001927876611195909 2164201989

20:52

very well done ryan!

Out of what

out of 10.0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000001

20:53

unrounded to the nearest decimal, of course

Of course

That's, err, ah

22:14

Pretty specific

22:14

But thank you!

King Buddyfriend

Pretty specific

i am a rather meticulous reviewer

incredible! i just achieved a 5 wiper!

00:51

a match of my personal best

Yoho!

02:29

That is a pog moment

indeed!

02:35

I hope this keeps up!

pood

egads! king shitman managed to achieve a record low of 2 wipes!

19:02

but how!

19:02

how does he do it??

He uses sans magic

The ultimate poo

woah

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xHCjEvfXrhg guys i found something epic

Games Done Quick

Mercy Kill - Ristar - Grand Poo World 2

17:01

grand poo world

what if the real poo updates are those we care for and those who care for us in life?

12:51

certainly it's fecal matter for thought i think

The real poo updates are the friends we made along the way

could not agree more

That's a stuipd message, poo updates are about the merch & scandals!!! BaPOObug!!!

21:22

That's a stuipd message, poo updates are about the merch & scandals!!! BaPOObug!!!

oh dear

17:20

I may have caused another Blockage

Lol

this is no laughing matter!

17:21

how would you like your toilet to be blocked missy

17:21

exactly

I would find it very funny

yeah yeah suuuuure

I would

17:23

I would laugh

17:23

For 10 mins

17:23

Then be annoyed for a while

oh nevermind everyone! blockage averted!

Then look back at the situation and laugh again

let it be known that madaline TAKES JOY IN THE SUFFERING OF OTHERS folks

I do

17:28

What of it?

that makes you

17:29

cringe

If you call me out I can just say you're transphobic

Luci you are the cringe one here

shut up i am currently adding games to my cart for the steam winter sale has started

18:46

and how am i cringe

I need not explain myself

yes you do

18:48

a false accusation has been made

18:48

with no evidence to back it up, no less!

18:48

you absolutely need explain yourself

Nu

is this a sensible idea

Depends what you're getting

18:59

If it's just Cold War I'd say no

this my cart rn

King Buddyfriend

If it's just Cold War I'd say no

hardly any of the COD games got discounted and a lot of them are still 60 euro for some reason it's a bit wack

Do you still have game pass?

are you thinking i should play eternal on game pass instead?

Aye that's what I was thinking

19:01

Up to you tho

19:01

Deluxe edition isn't on game pass

aye and this discount is effectively giving me the base game + the season pass for the price that the season pass is alone at full price

19:02

hard to turn down such an offer

19:02

but i'll see

19:02

this cart isn't final yet

19:02

don't wanna go too ham

Tis the season of giving

19:02

And that includes to yourself

indeed

19:03

i was gonna buy ghosts as a haha funni meme but it's still 60 euro for some heehoo ass reason

WhAt

and taking 60 euro in cash out of an ATM and flushing it down the toilet would be a better use of such money than paying for ghosts with it lmfao

Ah wait we talked about this Yeah

19:04

How it's like €180 for ghosts plus all dlc

aye

19:05

literally not one of the COD games that are on steam is discounted

19:06

the only discount is on the activision collection bundle which is 655 euro

That's just bongin silly

aye

19:06

'tis

Tis

tits

my cart's total has exceeded 100 euro and i don't think it'd be wise to spend all that in one go so i shall be cutting stuff from it methinks

Perhaps a wise idea

indeed

decided i'd buy doom eternal with the season pass content since i can get it for the price of the season pass

20:37

as opposed to only the base game being free w game pass

I'm gonna get gungeon and meat boi cuz I won a competition

fuck yeah

Well hopefully I've one

20:40

No one has even come close to my time and it ends at 1 am

good lucketh

love to see it you really do

21:03

@King Buddyfriend left 4 dead 2 contains references to poo! a very nice touch

Epic!

i hear that often times if you suffer from a tapeworm infestation, that upon killing the tapeworm, it has to be passed from your body rectally

17:51

my! what a poo update that would be!

17:52

let us hope King Shitman does not suffer such a fate....

But imagine the hits! The traffic! The viewers such an event would rack up!

20:59

I see now what must be done

no! you cannot! the damage to your body may be catastrophic! there will be pain and suffering untold!

21:22

is such torment really worth it for but a crumb of internet clout?

Yes.

i see you dropped quite the yule log there!

01:59

very appropriate start to christmas eve no doubt!

Tad before christmas eve but absolutely!

MorbCaster(sex/morbius)

Click to see attachment 🖼️

fa la la la la, la la la la!

B O W E L S

I just dropped my biggest shit all week!

19:01

I physically feel lighter!

19:01

yet there is one final piece on its way out

19:01

and it's a stubborn lad

19:04

it's almost out!

19:05

and she is gone!

19:06

now, time for the wiping

19:08

8 wipes!

19:08

a ways off from the McGrath Wiping Ideal Standard

19:08

(MWIS for short)

19:08

but given the sheer magnitude of the thing

19:08

it can be forgiven

19:08

this Poo receives a 7.2/10 for satisfaction and practicality

I like to SHIT a lot (edited)

seasons greetings more like

20:09

faeces greetings!

20:09

ohohohohohohohoho!

More like

20:14

I woke up to shit in my stocking (edited)

20:14

Yule log amirite

hoho! i get it!

20:22

my stocking had an eviction notice inside it

I evicted my stocking

power move

whats the point of wipin

21:06

if your ass will just get dirty again.....

Ion wipe my ass cuz shit doesn't get to me

damn

21:11

we should all aspire to your level

have you all downloaded the latest firmware update for your bowels?

17:56

they patched a few rather annoying bugs there

17:57

added some nice backwards compatibility

17:57

and there's now support for xbox game pass!

17:57

i recommend you get on it right away

I pooped out a baby

oh my!

https://twitter.com/makeupaguy/status/1343087499086852096?s=20 Poo Speedrunners have discovered some interesting new tech that could shave a few seconds off future runs!

make up a guy (@makeupaguy)

guy who spits on the toilet paper before they wipe

Retweets

127

Likes

3372

19:37

exciting stuff

Nearly shat out my asshole

well, yes. i'd be worried if shit came from anywhere else in your body

the wiping hour seems to quite literally be taking an hour

00:10

we still have not heard how many wipes were required!

00:10

mayhaps.... (edited)

00:10

could he still be wiping??

or perhaps

00:12

a zero wipe shit

is that even possible!?

Ive had em before

incredible

00:33

i've never gone below a 5 myself

you'll get one someday

thank you, gungus

Gunks

a zero wipe shit

Same

Pure liquid shit

16:10

Felt like pissing outta my ass

16:10

Hated it

oh dear

16:27

how many wipes did that require?

6 ish

Aw

Gunks

6 ish

hey, that's only one above my PB!

16:52

good work!

Felt bad tho

16:53

Like my hand flew

16:54

All liquid zero friction

Gunks

All liquid zero friction

if ur clever u can make toilet wine with dat

Next time

19:44

I'll send you some too

a poo update is when you provide information on your poo as it happens

22:40

but

22:40

if a couple decides to shit together in the same bathroom

22:40

is that a poo date?

22:40

discuss

expect a poo update within the next few minutes!

00:31

#PooYearsDay

if you think about it

00:43

poo really is the great equaliser

00:43

everyone from the wealthiest of billionaires right down to those with not a cent to their name defecates

00:43

we all poo down here

00:43

really makes you think about our place in the universe

00:43

does life with intelligence greater than or equal to humans exist out there?

00:43

and if so

00:44

do they, too, poo?

00:45

much to think about indeed in 2021

00:46

my first poo of the year has just commenced!

00:47

two very very large boys indeed

00:47

made quite the plumping noise

00:51

8 wipes

00:51

how king shitman consistently achieves such low wipe counts continues to elude me

00:51

nonetheless!

00:52

this was a very feelgood and no bullshit poo to start the year!

00:52

I give it a 7.22474487139

00:53

thank you all for coming here tonight

00:53

and Happy Poo Year

Merry poo year to all,and to all, a poo year

inpoobitably so!

I think @King Buddyfriend should make a 2021 Poop Calendar

00:25

oh! speaking of which! I might be feeling a post shower poo coming on!

00:25

oooh this is exciting

i-impossible!

00:41

a mere 3 wipes!

00:41

this a new personal best!

00:41

o, I am overcome with joy!

4

00:45

this poo receives an 8.5/10

00:45

an absolutely astounding performance

I am so proud of you luci

14:03

This is excellent news

14:03

Congratulatioms

thank you Ryan

14:15

I worked hard for this moment

14:15

and it finally paid off

14:16

might be about to have a post-coffee poo rn

14:16

let us see if I can keep up my streak

14:17

oh my

14:17

this is so watery it might as well be a piss

14:18

mochas be bad for the bowels yo

6 wipes this time

14:28

not great but, for a post coffee poo?

14:28

not too shabby either

14:28

I'll give this a 6.6/10

For something with so watery a consistency that ain't half bad

indeed, my thoughts exactly

15:45

perhaps my rectal endeavours are finally taking a turn for the best

https://www.instagram.com/reel/CJE6XKPhsPF/?igshid=n6ccrx23qqhu

15:59

poop with a view

my god

16:24

i might need to take my third poop today!

16:24

what on earth?

16:24

three, in one day!

16:24

how can this be?

that third poo never happened

18:18

lol

Luci done had less than me today

false, my total wipe count for today overall is 9 (edited)

19:27

due to the post coffee poo

Ah but

20:50

Singular poo i meant

my wiping performance has skyrocketed lately

03:08

just had a 5 wiper!

03:08

what used to be rare for me is becoming the norm!

I hope this continues for you

me too

03:23

there is no greater achievement

03:23

than a lower wipe count

how embarrassing...

15:15

13 wipes required today

2

Aw

15:56

You'll get em next time

thank you king

my luck is improving again!

15:23

a 4 wiper today!

2

Yoho! A poggers moment, to be sure!

indeed!

16:05

although, I have a question about wipe statistics if you don't mind

Go ahead

let us say you wipe 4 times

16:08

and upon the 5th wipe

16:08

the paper comes out the other side perfectly clean

16:09

we can extrapolate that the 4th wipe was the last necessary wipe

16:09

however you wiped 5 times anyway

16:09

so would such a poo be considered a 4 wiper or a 5 wiper?

Zero wipe shit

such a thing simply cannot be possible

17:38

at least, not with our current knowledge of how the game works

I did it

prove it

How

17:38

Weirdo

17:38

Wanna see my b hole???

show me the paper that was used

Flushed

hmmm..... that's what they all say

17:41

you're on thin ice kiddo

Notgungus

so would such a poo be considered a 4 wiper or a 5 wiper?

4 wiper. My wipe count denotes the number of wipes required, not necessarily the number of wipes actually done.

ah, i see

I did it

05:42

A 3 wipe poo

nice @MorbCaster(sex/morbius)

And I did not use the water cheat

a glitchless run, eh

Yeah

nice

I got good rng

yeah you really need that for a poo run

What's king buddyfriends record

his PB is a 2 wiper I believe

Did he do the water cheat

No

13:03

He goes for glitchless% also

Cool

My best is 0

19:20

But I don't think that's here

0??

19:23

how?

All luck

19:23

It does happen tho

Gotta be ashy af tho

19:24

Dry like a bone

@King Buddyfriend your most recent poo update moved me deeply

19:52

and in fact

19:52

it inspired me so much

19:52

that i made you this:

19:52

19:53

i hope it is to your satisfaction milord

19:53

this was my first time drawing in almost 3 months so do forgive the shoddy craftsmanship

Woah

19:54

That's exactly how I envisioned it

19:54

It's perfect

r-really?

19:54

thank you milord!

19:55

to drop the joke for a second, "you were/always/more than one/i just couldn't see it" is so fucking

19:55

raw

King Buddyfriend pinned a message to this channel. 01/08/2021 7:55 PM

and you said it in a poo update

19:55

incredible

what if you ate a fucking time bomb

19:56

that

I legitimately think my poo updates contain all of the best lines I've ever written

would die

Woah

19:56

We got another poet

King Buddyfriend

I legitimately think my poo updates contain all of the best lines I've ever written

it's like those tumblr posts with raw ass lines like "you kneel before my throne unaware that it is born of lies" and then the post is about some mundane ass shit

19:57

yknow

Yes

20:24

Exactly

My poop is green

05:20

This hasn't happened for some time

05:20

Cool

epic!

05:21

are you ok

i feel the coffee shits coming on folks....

14:40

me walking out of this convo

@King Buddyfriend how do you get so few wipes on your poops

indeed, i have been wondering the same

23:34

reveal your tech!

MorbCaster(sex/morbius)

@King Buddyfriend how do you get so few wipes on your poops

theyre just always dry af

01:57

dunno what else to say

01:57

probably a diet thing but what i eat doesnt seem to have much of an impact on my shits (edited)

I need proof

02:46

When you turn 18 of course if you are willing to provide the proof

4 wipes

You did 4 wipes?

09:27

Hell yeah you funk of a man

09:28

I'm also typically pretty thorough with my wiping

09:28

I assume most people are

09:28

But i wanna get as much out on that one bit of paper as I can

it appears king buddyfriend forgot to finish the poo update again

15:41

or perhaps he is still on the toilet

15:41

who knows

Aw shucks I thought I did

this morning I must perform a Poo Speedrun!

10:50

for i desperately need to go, but have to attend an appointment at quarter past the hour! and if I do not go now, I would have to hold it in a full 60 minutes!

10:50

wish me luck, everyone

10:52

egads! the bathroom is occupied!

10:52

I pray it is only a number 1....

10:52

otherwise this could kill my run!

10:53

oh thank the heavens it was indeed only a numero uno

10:54

I have 20 minutes to finish the hand washing segment of my run

10:54

and attend my appointment

10:54

we're cutting it close but it's not impossible

11:00

that was rather unpleasant

11:00

all hot and wet

11:00

it required many wipes and while I am clean

11:00

I feel horribly dirty

11:01

but! I now even have time to get dressed!

11:01

and will likely have time to spare!

11:01

in terms of time, this is still a good run

@King Buddyfriend what, if such is even possible, would warrant a perfect 10/10 poo?

Notgungus

@King Buddyfriend what, if such is even possible, would warrant a perfect 10/10 poo?

December 1st, 2020.

01:10

It's pinned

01:11

I think post shower nudity is a factor in perfection

ho, such a thing has already happened? how could i have forgotten such a monumental occasion?

King Buddyfriend

I think post shower nudity is a factor in perfection

indubitably so

You may read the poo update if you wish

i just had a read over it

I may have been a bit generous in giving a 3 wiper a 10/10, but nonetheless it still warrants at minimum a 9.7

wipe count is obviously a factor

01:12

post shower is important too not only because naked

01:12

but being in that state of almost dry but not quite provides an excellent lube almost, for the poo to slide out with minimal hassle

Exactly

i would imagine that pro esports pooers shower before every poo

01:13

or use the bidet beforehand if they're tight for time

A curious strategy

01:13

I ought to try it out sometime

do tell how it goes

01:14

what ply toilet paper would be best for an optimal poo?

01:14

any brands you prefer?

shit

https://youtu.be/SxxCSHOZwXw

EDP445

My 10th Shit in Two Days

had a 4 wiper this afternoon

12:42

must be a good omen

Notgungus

had a 4 wiper this afternoon

Cool

I want one of those fancy TEC toilets that has a warm seat when u sit on it nothing kills a poop like a cold bottom

2

poo

22:23

Currently shitting

Fucking excellent

Notgungus

Click to see attachment 🖼️

Tom scott

incredible! how did you know!

Am just brain

clearly so

GUYS GUYS GUYS

01:35

I JUST HAD A ONE WIPER

YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

NEW GOD DAMN PERSONAL BEST

01:39

MF POOP EQUIVALENT OF PARRYING A SUPER

@King Buddyfriend it's been so long since we have had a poo update

I fear the day of poo updates may be past us

no! it cannot be!

yes

Currently shitting

21:33

8inch turd

+50 wipes

05:21

Incredible

took a fat shit this morning

4

I'm proud of you

is that a Dead Rising reference

i just thought it sounded funny

Just took a shit

4

3

Fucking fantastic

double flusher today

2

Impressive

Ass blood

06:50

Oh no

why the fuck do I wipe my ass so hard

05:35

I always end up with blood

You must be careful, my child

14:29

Your asshole is tender

14:29

And needs love

I use sheet metal

Pooping time

21:21

Lots of piss first

21:21

Quite large amount of poop

21:23

Still some little poo's left

21:26

Lots of shit to wipe up

21:27

We are going to use the water blaster

21:27

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA it feels funny

21:30

Still fucking shit

21:30

I hate wiping so much

21:32

Still shit oh my god

21:35

@everyone I need wiping advice

21:36

To mutch shit

21:36

Help please

21:37

God save me from all of this poop

21:41

Been here for nearly 20 minutes wiping my ass

21:42

Finally done

Caster I am sorry but that does not warrant an e bomb

22:23

You are going to have to lose your moderationism

22:23

I am sorry

22:23

Always wipe downwards

22:23

Unless you're a girl

Senator Morbius

Unless you're a girl

implying that girls wipe

can i replace sexmaster as a moderater

@King Buddyfriend give me back my mod

You're not getting mod back

23:01

You misused power

23:01

You must suffer consequences

This is literally a dictatorship

How?

server moderation is taken quite seriously round here. you can't just @ everyone for no good reason

2

2

2

Someone literally said that in the mod chat (edited)

23:07

I demand a debate

#deleted-channel

Cant talk there

23:09

Ok

23:10

Debate @midnight your time

23:11

In a VC

nineteen eighty four

society....

Yes pablo

i think i deserve a mod position

Yes

To be fair dang it is a very important member of the community

23:20

We will consider you for future positions

I have only done good for this server

01:50

Also today I was genuinely struggling

01:50

Recently theres just to much shit on my ass

Doodoo fart

5

5

5

5

Fair point

I took a shit today

I pooped this morning

Good on ye sir

Its green

Yeo

17:44

Green is the colour of health

17:44

must be your lucky day

Green is the colour of grass

17:44

Dumbass

nature

17:44

greenery

17:45

health

17:45

Nature

17:45

Alergies

17:45

Hives

Its red now

damn

17:47

so close

17:47

maybe it's Italian

Just looked at the turd

17:48

Its multi colored

17:48

Brown and green

My shit has been very liquidity lately

Smoothey?

https://youtu.be/SYFuA3xnkUE

SmarterEveryDay

How to Poop on a NUCLEAR SUBMARINE - Smarter Every Day 256

#MakeRyanShitAgain

#MakeLuciModAgain

@King Buddyfriend please do poo updates again

I don't really be shittin

Took a big shit

nice

Pics or it didn't happen

Already flushed it

22:47

But I will post pics next time I do it

Aw

Shitting rn

Fantastic stuff

Took a shit so unholy I had to take a shower

in this world you either shit in the shower or shower in the shit

Ass blood :(

Pooriod

05:36

I'm not going to get into what I did but bacicly dont shove sharp objects up your ass (edited)

That sounds unfortunate

@King Buddyfriend are poop updates finally back?

Probably not for good

12:53

Just felt like that one needed to be shared

:(

Any particularly funky ones may be shared in future however

This is epic

@Gunks

2

tf is this

you're shite

15:36

so

15:36

we update you here

Thats horeshti

15:36

im not shite

Poo

pee

1

taking such a mean shit it’s literally footsies rn

20:52

i’m in advantage rn

20:53

just got the wall break

Bro

shitting

17:19

so hard rn

taking a shit after having an asthma attack hits different

I am not taking a shit

17:58

no shit 2022 going strong

hell yeah

17:59

you're nearly there

17:59

i'm already beginning my preparations for No Shit 2023

i’m taking the worst worst shit of my life

18:42

been 50 minutes or sheer pain

18:42

i’m shittint liquid then rock hard boulders then liquid and my stomach hurts so much

18:43

i feel so light headed

18:43

i feel like i’m going to die

18:43

the smell

18:43

oh god

18:48

i’ve had to call my dad

that was traumatic

Why do they call it the restroom? Sounds like you were fighting for your fucking life

ok but no joke i was

u good bro

https://twitter.com/kecchi0/status/1591423588355428352?s=20&t=tB8iuwQO-hGcZ15UNrUZ-A

KECCHI 🌱 (@kecchi0)

COTTON CANDY HAIR LADY NOOOOOOOO-

Likes

3678

Retweets

407

a smelly one

Good

haven't taken a shit since last year

i almost missed new years bc i was taking a mean ass shit

we are not the same

wym missed new year

15:01

Bro stood outside of time to poop

like

Gunks

wym missed new year

shit so nasty it knocks bro out until 2024

taking the meanest most gobsmacking shite ever

Not true

16:59

That was at best a 4/10 on the gobsmack scale

how can you be so sure

Are you familiar with santa claus

what about him

I see you when you're shitting, I know when you must wipe

17:02

I'm like santa but for poo

meds i’m on for my stomach have me shittint like a motherfucker

update: the force was so great I smashed the ceramic

why spicy food gotta be twice as spicy on the way out

21:52

my stomach, bowels, and digestive system watching me consume 3 coffees, a mcdonalds burger, and madras curry in the same day

1

one of the best ones in my life

09:10

stank good

09:10

i havent eaten properly in days

Notgungus

why spicy food gotta be twice as spicy on the way out

Laugh at this user who is unable to handle spice

13:02

I regularly eat the hottest things on the menu (usually that's a mild to medium spice level bc we dont go to restaurants based on foreign cuisine that often) and my shits are always wonderfully pleasant

Nah I can handle spice but

13:08

on the way out its diff

yeah ur ass got hella sensitive taste

Marceline

I regularly eat the hottest things on the menu (usually that's a mild to medium spice level bc we dont go to restaurants based on foreign cuisine that often) and my shits are always wonderfully pleasant

laugh at this user making fun of others for their palette

16:29

let people eat and enjoy or dislike what they want

Nah she can dislike spice or have her own palate I'm not trying to say she cant I'm just beagging that despite the fact I'm white as fuck I'm really good with spicy food in and out

20:18

Bragging*

is it palate or palette.

20:18

you could be right

20:18

google time

Palette

20:18

Mistype by me

nope its palate.

20:19

you were right

No it isng I dont believe you

20:19

Its palette

Is that the American spelling?

no its a whole ass different word

if u spell it palate i'm gonna think you're a rich person and you will be among the first to fall in the revolution

Notgungus

if u spell it palate i'm gonna think you're a rich person and you will be among the first to fall in the revolution

fake ass revolutionary

Palate looks wrong

do i smell a RICH PERSON

revolutions are guided by those with understandings of the arts

i do understand art. for example i think video games should be considered a sport

your disgust at discussion of english shows your misguided intentions

20:21

you yearn for the gun, not for what the gun yearns for

why dont u yearn for some bitches

Marceline

Palate looks wrong

palate is a part of your body palette is a piece of wood

Feels wrong

the piece of wood being either for holding crates or for holding colours

20:22

hence - colour palette

im ngl i didn't even know it referred to a body part i thought it was more of an abstract concept

20:22

like a skill you had

i wrongly assumed colour palette and food palate were the same

Notgungus

im ngl i didn't even know it referred to a body part i thought it was more of an abstract concept

it is both

20:23

like "i have an eye for detail"

WASD (gamer reference)

hence - colour palette

i'm legit flabbergasted over this btw

20:23

that that's why it's called a colour palette

I guess I'm just used to it mire in the context of painting and constructipn

Notgungus

that that's why it's called a colour palette

its called a colour palette because the piece of wood painters mix colours on is called a palette

Marceline

I guess I'm just used to it mire in the context of painting and constructipn

yeah and thats the only two applications of the word

WASD (gamer reference)

its called a colour palette because the piece of wood painters mix colours on is called a palette

that's so fucked up

whereas palate is a whole different one

Notgungus

that's so fucked up

i- this is stuff you discover when you're 11

WASD (gamer reference)

i- this is stuff you discover when you're 11

no this is stuff you discover when you're 21 evidently

It's a similar concept and the same pronunciation to be fair

i aint know that's why it was called a colour palette

20:25

but you found out when you were eleven... maybe you received PRIVATE EDUCATION. i knew you were one of them

20:25

you will tear like wet paper in the revolution.

Marceline

It's a similar concept and the same pronunciation to be fair

its a different pronunciation apparently we've just been pronouncing it wrong

:(

how tf u gon tel me 21 years into my life that palate and palette are pronounced differently

20:25

this language sucks

Notgungus

but you found out when you were eleven... maybe you received PRIVATE EDUCATION. i knew you were one of them

zip your lips lest your purse become lighter by twenty euro

Notgungus

how tf u gon tel me 21 years into my life that palate and palette are pronounced differently

to be fair they do have a different final vowel

i guess wherever i picked up both words i just assumed they were said the same and that persisted forever

@WASD (gamer reference) did you fr go to private school

King Buddyfriend

@WASD (gamer reference) did you fr go to private school

jesus christ no

09:59

i went to the same school that marceline is in rn

L school

My brother went to pirate school

14:33

private

Gunks

My brother went to pirate school

has he found the one piece yet

He will never

14:36

Doesn't have the tenacity required

he couldn't beat king crocodile

16:11

ain't no way

He became desert doodoo

shoutout to this tumblr rando

Just had the worst shit of my life Think I was cursed by a wizzard

21:34

I twisted my ankle so badly earlier today I cant walk, had 30 mins of diahriah aswell as struggling to piss and getting a headache

!UPDATE! The twisted ankle was actually sprained I need to stay home a few days to let it heal

I haven't shat in a month

20:21

I bet that release gonna be crazy! har har

go shit rn wtf

it's not coming im just saying like

20:25

in general

20:26

you know?

a house is not a home until you take a shit in it

22:58

Namaste

dropping fattest log rn

18:49

this shit cost 8 dark elixir

3

been shitting for almost an hour but i wanted to try sleep an hour go bc scjool

22:58

guess we staying up tn

how u shitting that much bruv

Hey floop, please look after yourself, been there before shit aint nice

23:07

Also see someone/drink some water your either sick or dehydrated

took a single bite of this spicy pizza and have already resigned to the fact that im gonna shatter the ceramic later

19:43

this pizza is nearly as spicy as that one Indian curry I had

where from?

Johnny Spike

where from?

four star i think

rightright